Everybody Hurts
by Angelina Johnson
Summary: Based on spoilers for 4x18. The unthinkable happens at McKinley, and the members of the glee club must deal with the aftermath of one of their own being hurt. Marley Rose sits by his bedside and recounts the events of that horrible day that changed McKinley forever... Trigger warnings: School shooting, teen suicide. Hints of Ryley romance.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee. This story is loosely inspired by spoilers for 4x18. It's also somewhat based off of One Tree Hill's _With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept_ episode (3x16), because that episode made a huge impact on me when I watched it in high school. I haven't seen it in years, though, so if there are too many similarities, I apologize! Title is taken from the REM song. I actually started writing this just before the spoiler came out that Ryder will be singing that song in an upcoming episode, as well.

**Everybody Hurts**

**Prologue**

Marley Rose sat perched on the side of a hospital bed. Her posture was tentative; she was afraid that if she scooted too close to the person lying in the bed, she might hurt him. She gently squeezed the boy's hand as she gazed down at his closed eyes.

Marley had seen some bad days before. There had been days in her personal life that had filled her with grief, of course. She had watched her mother's body wrack with sobs after her father had stormed out of their lives, never to return. She had seen the look on everyone's faces when she had woken up after collapsing at Sectionals. She had watched her favorite teacher's face fall when he realized his fiancé wouldn't be joining him at the altar. She had watched her grandfather take his last breath.

Then there were the worldwide tragedies, where you can see everyone around you hurt. She had watched the news the day that the Twin Towers fell. She had seen interviews in the aftermath of school shootings. She had seen the clip of President Kennedy's assassination more times than she could remember in various history classes.

None of that compared to this day. None of those things seem real until they happen to you.

She clutched the boys hand a little bit tighter, willing him to wake up and look at her. God, she just wanted to see those brown eyes lock on hers again.

The doctors said that he was out of any immediate danger, which she should be taking comfort in, but if that was the case then why wasn't he awake yet? Why was he still hooked up to a heart monitor? Why did nurses keep giving her sad looks whenever they came in to change his bloody bandages? Why hadn't the bleeding stopped yet?

The rest of the glee club had been in and out that afternoon; he was only allowed to have two visitors at a time. The others kept glancing at her nervously before giving each other secret head nods that they thought she wasn't noticing. They had obviously come to an agreement that Marley should stay by his side while they rotated who kept her company. Even though their knowing glances were infuriating, she was grateful for the gesture.

Only one person seemed to avoid the room, although she sat in the waiting room all day. Marley caught glimpses of Kitty every time the door opened, and each time the girl looked more and more inconsolable. Her posture was slumped, her knees were hugged tightly to her chest, and her face was buried in her hands. All the others tried to talk to her and even joke with her to cheer her up, but their attempts all failed.

His family had been out of town when they had gotten the call. They had never dreamed that when they hopped on a plane to Los Angeles they would be coming home to find their son with a hole in his chest.

They finally arrived back in Ohio around 10 pm. Lima Memorial Hospital fortunately allowed visitors around the clock under special circumstances, so Marley moved out to the waiting room to let his mother and brother enter his room to see him. She wasn't willing to leave him yet; she would stay here all night clutching on to his hand if it meant that she could be there with him when he woke up.

Most of the glee club had finally cleared out by that hour; as much as they loved their teammate, they had been assured that he would be fine, and each of them had their own families to be with. The only ones who remained were Kitty, Marley, and the other boy, the sometimes best friend of the one lying in that room with his eyes closed tight and a bullet through his body.

Marley hadn't been able to look at him all day; she didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to make sense of any of this, and she preferred to deal with her feelings on her own. She couldn't stand the thought of his puppy dog eyes and his casual reassurances. It was better to avoid his eyes altogether, although she could feel them on her as she slid into the seat on the other side of Kitty. She knew he loved her and that he only wanted to help, but she felt suffocated by his affection at this particular moment. After all they had been through, she couldn't take comfort in his caring when that other boy, still so dear to her, was lying there with his life possibly on the line.

The blonde girl looked up for the first time in hours, and Marley could see that her eyes were rimmed with red and there were tear streaks down her face. She looked as traumatized as she had seemed twelve hours earlier, when Marley had found her in the auditorium for the first time. She had been hysterical then, but Marley had been able to make sense of one thing that she had said. "I lost him, Marley. The shot went off, and he was right there, and then I lost him."

"How are you holding up?" Marley asked quietly. As terrible as she had felt all day, she couldn't imagine what Kitty had been going through. She had been tempted to leave her bedside vigil to check on the other girl sooner, but she hadn't wanted to miss the moment when he opened his eyes.

"Why hasn't he woken up yet?" Kitty choked out, as if reading Marley's mind. "What if he doesn't wake up?" Marley's heart dropped into her stomach at the possibility, but she couldn't let herself dissolve into hysterics, no matter how tempting the idea was. She had to stay strong for him, and now for Kitty too.

"Shh. They say he's going to be fine," Marley soothed, not sure if she was trying to comfort herself or her friend. "It's not your fault, you know. There was nothing you could have done differently. When his family comes out, I'll be sure to go in and tell him that he has to wake up so that he can tell you off for even thinking of blaming yourself."

Kitty nodded miserably, and Marley knew that she was unconvinced, but she didn't know what else she could say. She settled for resting her head on the smaller girl's shoulder and hugging her own knees to her chest.

"He'll wake up," she repeated, willing it to be true, willing it to happen faster.

The two girls must have dozed off briefly, because the clock struck midnight, causing Marley's head to jerk up. There seemed to be shuffling around outside of his door, and Marley's eyes widened as his mom came outside of the room with a small smile on her face.

"Marley? I know you girls need your rest after the day you've had, but he's asking for you, sweetheart," she said softly, and Marley sprang out of her chair, jolting Kitty awake as well.

"Kitty, he woke up!" Marley mumbled through a barely contained smile. "Do you want to come in and see him so that he can tell you it's not his fault?" Kitty shook her head as his mom and brother sat down across from them, still looking strained but seeming significantly more upbeat than they had on their arrival.

"You go in. He wants to see you," Kitty said softly, shooing the brunette from her side. Marley didn't hesitate as she rushed through the open door and back to the chair beside him. She instinctively reached for his hand again, and was too preoccupied by the tender look on his face to even feel embarrassed by the relieved tears that were leaking down her face.

"Hey Marls," he said softly, squeezing her hand appreciatively. "I'm glad you're still here."

She found that holding on to his hand was no longer enough – he was awake, he was really awake and in relatively one piece. She leaned over his bed, as awkward as it might be, and wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his hair.

"Woah – good to see you, too," he chuckled lightly, and how could his eyes twinkle like that when he was in a hospital bed? How could he still make her stomach flutter even when he was lying wrapped in bandages and strapped to machines?

"Am I hurting you?" she asked, pulling back from the embrace a bit, but he only reached out and pulled her as close to him as he could without disrupting the doctor's set-up.

She held on to him for as long as she could, for so long that her back started to hurt from being in such an awkward position, and she only pulled back when he let out a pained sigh.

"I am hurting you," she scolded as she pulled away from him, and he faked a smile as she sat back down in the chair.

"It's not so bad. It doesn't hurt nearly as much as it looks like it does in movies," he joked again. How could he always make her smile, even when everything was so wrong and her whole world felt like it had shattered around her since she had arrived at school that morning?

A million things that she wanted to say to him flashed through her brain, each more embarrassing and likely to cause regret than the last, but before she could settle on one thing to say, his eyes locked on hers again, and something in them changed. He looked a little bit scared, but he forced sound out anyway.

"I, um…Well, my mom didn't really know exactly what happened. All she heard was the version from the school, but the details are sketchy, like they're trying to cover their own asses. I just – it's all kind of hazy. I just remember a gunshot, and a lot of screaming, and then being alone, and then you being with me. I just…What happened? Did anyone else get hurt? Nobody – I mean, nobody died, right?"

Marley choked back the urge to sob, remembering her resolve to stay strong for him. She squeezed his hand gently as she searched for the easiest way to tell him how the day had unfolded.

"Oh, Ryder," she began miserably. "I don't know how to tell you this…"


	2. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee. This story is loosely inspired by spoilers for 4x18. It's also somewhat based off of One Tree Hill's _With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept_ episode (3x16). Title is taken from the REM song. Also, now that _Shooting Star_ has aired, I'd like to take the first 10 minutes of the episode into consideration. So, read this chapter having assumed that Ryder sang to Marissa already and confronted Jake and Marley about his being Catfished.

**Author's Note**: Warning: this probably won't be nearly as long as 'I'll Be Coming Home, Wait For Me.' Right now, I'm guessing I'll write three more chapters and an epilogue. Also, thank you to all of you who have reviewed and added this story to your favorites or updates list: **mila, MyTrainDance27, Ryley4Ever, racheljeanne, WideOpenSpacesGirl045, , gleekygurl11, Addy, hopesolofan9724, Kitty-Cat-022, RyleyFan, TheGreatKanaka, B00kw0rm92, asphodelgold, silvrd21, StarkidGleek12, StarGazing03, ChuckNutz, ChrissEccles, PortiaInAStorm, Lumos-Hermione-Nox, Popcorn0912, DegrassiCrown1, **and** cathrynlv**. I really appreciate your support as I try to write something that is outside of my comfort zone.

**Chapter 1**

Marley drew in a shaky breath as she glanced down at Ryder in his hospital bed. His brown eyes had a slightly glazed look to them, but, she reminded herself, that was probably natural for gunshot wound victims. He had been bleeding a lot throughout the course of the day, and just because the worst was over – for him, at least – didn't mean that he would be feeling himself anytime soon.

She knew that there were things she couldn't tell him; things she herself still didn't understand, things she hadn't witnessed, things that the people who had witnessed them were too weary to tell. She gently brushed the sweaty hair off of Ryder's forehead and placed her cool palm against his skin as she fumbled for the right words to say. _There are no right words to say when something like this happens_, a voice in the back of her head reminded her, and the hollow feeling that had been resonating throughout her whole body that day agreed.

"Marls, please," Ryder pleaded. "I just feel so helpless." His pleading look gave Marley the courage to relive that day; it reminded her of her resolve to be strong for him as she began to speak.

"_**My name is Celeste. Most of you probably never even knew my last name. In fact, most of you probably didn't even know that my first name was Celeste. You probably just knew me as neck-brace Cheerio. Well, you'll know my name now."**_

_The sun didn't quite peak through the clouds that morning in Lima, Ohio. Weak beams of light intermittently broke through the haze, but before she even got out of bed that morning, something about this day felt dark to her. _

_Her hand smacked against her alarm as she dragged her thin frame out from beneath the tangled mass of bed-sheets. Her teddy bear, Mr. Fluffles, fell to the ground in her battle against the covers, and Marley picked him up gingerly. He had been a gift from her mother; Millie Rose had always been incredibly strong, and the day after her husband left her, she used the last of that month's grocery money to buy her daughter the bear._

_Marley plodded across the hardwood floor towards the bathroom, where she begrudgingly got ready to face her day. She was prepared for the normal drone of high school life; she wasn't prepared for what would happen to her next._

_Once fully clothed, Marley found her normally sunny mother tucked away beneath the covers in her own room. She had the blinds drawn shut, and the blanket was tucked up underneath her chin. _

"_Sweetie, I'm not feeling well enough to go in to work today. I called in at the school while you were in the shower, so they know not to expect me. Is there anyone you can call for a ride?" Marley walked over and kissed her mother gently on the forehead. _

"_I think I'll just go ahead and walk to school. Is there anything I can get you before I leave?" Her mother shook her head weakly, and Marley hugged her and said "I love you! Feel better, mom," before walking out the door. An hour later, she would be feeling so grateful that she had said those words on her way out of the house._

_A bunch of jocks seemed to be tipping over a Port-o-potty in the parking lot to the school, and Marley had a bad feeling that there was some helpless kid inside._

_The hallways of McKinley were crowded as usual. Marley saw Jacob Ben Israel trying to interview some football player or another. The football player shoved him into a locker to get the curly-haired cameraman to leave him alone, telling him to shove off or else he'd be sorry._

_She saw a group full of Cheerios laughing and pointing at a small freshman girl with braces who was wearing a Powerpuff Girls t-shirt. A couple of hockey players carrying slushies eyed the girl as they walked past, but decided to save their beverages for a different target._

_Marley noticed a couple of the stoner kids typing something into their phones and saying things like, "Dude, this is an awesome prank! He's gonna feel so stupid when he finds out this girl isn't real!" His friends guffawed, and Marley shook her head in disgust._

_Marley stepped on something sticky on her way to her locker, and looked down to see red sludge underneath her feet. It looked like the Powerpuff shirt-girl had avoided a slushie but others hadn't been so lucky._

_She ruffled through her locker to find the sheet music that she had been working on for Glee club and she stuffed it into her bag since it was the first class of the day. She sat idly through homeroom and leaped up when the bell rang to head to Glee. She hadn't seen Jake earlier that morning because he usually skipped homeroom, but when that was the case he often waited for her right outside the door and walked across the hallway to the choir room with her._

_Sure enough, he was standing right outside as the halls filled up with students leaving their classrooms. She had just had time to smile up at him and take his hand when her life changed forever._

_BANG._

"_Was that…?" Marley began, but Jake had already tugged her inside of the choir room. Her eyes widened in terror as she realized that other students in the hallway were screaming and shouting. A couple of other students from her homeroom had ducked inside of the choir room as well, and Mr. Schuester was waving more students in._

"_Get down, get down! Find something to hide behind, and stay quiet," he urged them._

"_Mr. Schuester, what was that?" Tina choked, but he raised a hand to silence her. His face was contorted into something almost unrecognizable, and Marley's stomach dropped when she realized that he was just as scared as she was. _

_The room grew mostly silent as Mr. Schuester pushed chairs in front of the door and pulled the blinds closed in the hallway windows. A broken sob came from a blond girl that looked vaguely familiar to Marley who was huddled beneath the piano, and the Glee club teacher ducked under the piano as well to put a hand on the girl's shoulder for comfort._

"_Everyone look around and try to get into contact with people who you love, but don't tell them where you are. Nobody knows what happened out there or what's going on now," he said, and Marley thought his voice shook a bit as he spoke. She wouldn't have blamed him if it had, but as her eyes darted around the room she saw others who were closer to hysterics that looked towards their teacher for guidance._

_Tina and Blaine were huddled in one corner with a student who Marley had only ever seen before during Superhero week. Tina was sobbing into Blaine's shoulder, and Blaine had fist clenched in his gelled hair. The girl from superhero week had her knees hugged to her chest as if making her body smaller would make her less likely to be harmed._

_Jake squeezed her hand as Sugar turned to Mr. Schuester again. "But Mr. Schue – was that a gun? Was that really…"_

"_I don't know, Sugar. I don't know. But if we stay here, if we stay quiet and stay together…We'll all be okay." Marley admired the strength he was showing for his students, and for the other students that she had never seen before. She was sure that in his position she wouldn't have had the same courage. On her right, Unique was texting her parents, and Jake was looking at her expectantly._

"_My mom didn't come to work today," Marley whispered numbly. "But the kitchen's don't have a back door. If she was here…" Marley's voice trailed off at the possibility. She looked to another corner of the room, where Sam was covering his eyes and hyperventilating behind the drum set. Beside him were Joe and Artie, who looked out of his element lying on the floor with his wheelchair forgotten. He was taking deep breaths and not meeting the eyes of anyone around him. _

_Mr. Schuester seemed to feel that he had calmed piano girl to the best of his ability, because he crawled towards Sam, who was coming perilously close to hitting his head on the drums as he rocked back and forth._

"_Shh – Sam, Sam, it's going to be okay," the teacher assured him, placing a calming hand on the boy's back, but he wrenched away from his grip._

"_Brittany's not here. She's not here, and she's not answering her phone." His eyes were rimmed in red, and Marley saw her emotions mirrored in Sam's face. The barely-suppressed panic was bubbling up inside of her, and it worsened when she made the connection of who else was missing._

"_Neither are Ryder and Kitty," Marley whispered in horror. The shock was still there, but it had lessened enough for her to take note of the absence of her two friends. Where were they? The shot – but maybe it hadn't really been a shot, she tried to console herself - had been on the other side of campus, and that was where Ryder and Kitty had homeroom with Coach Sylvester. Had they seen the shooter? Worse, had they been shot? She took her phone out again and began frantically messaging them._

"_There haven't been any more sh – " Artie began to say, but silenced himself, horrified. None of them wanted to say the words out loud. None of them wanted to assume that the worst was happening in the halls of their highway. McKinley High School, normally filled with the noise of laughter and gossip and yeah, sometimes of hallway brawls between testosterone-pumped jocks and catfights between PMSing cheerleaders, was oozing with unnatural silence._

_Marley closed her eyes tightly, willing it all to be a dream. Jake stroked her hair reassuringly, but Sam broke the silence again. _

"_Mr. Schue, I have to go find her, I have to go look for Brittany, I don't know where she is or if she's okay!" He breathed heavily as his instructor attempted to steady him once more._

"_The whole school's on lockdown; Brittany has homeroom on the other side of the school, and the screams happened shortly after the bell rang. She's probably safe with her homeroom teacher somewhere," Mr. Schuester promised as a very different kind of bang came at the door. The knob turned, and Marley felt her heartrate increase rapidly as the door made contact with the filing cabinet that was now blocking it's path._

"_Please, please help me!" a voice said hysterically, and Sam leapt up to push the filing cabinet away._

"_Brittany! Brittany!" he called, and Mr. Schuester clamped a hand over his mouth. _

"_You don't know who else could be out there!" The teacher ushered Sam back behind the drumset as he went to peer through the crack in the door for himself._

"_Brit?" he asked quietly, and a strained voice replied, "Yes. Mr. Schue, please let me in, please!" He pushed the filing cabinet ever so slightly, made way for Brittany, and then immediately closed the door shut behind her as he thrust the filing cabinet against it again._

"_Britt, you shouldn't have been out in the hallways! You should be hiding somewhere," Mr. Schuester scolded her, but his words had little conviction as he pulled his student into a warm hug. "Find something to hide behind," he urged her, but she had already thrown herself into Sam's arms and was taking cover behind the drumset as well._

_Everyone stared at Brittany as she cried into Sam's chest, but Jake was the one to finally break the silence. _

"_Was there – does somebody really have a gun, Brittany?" he asked cautiously. Marley felt that his hands were beginning to sweat from nerves, but she didn't want to let go. Her mom was at home safely, but would she ever even get a chance to see her again? And even if she did make it out of here, what about her two missing friends? She thought back to her last interactions with them, and wanted to vomit when she remembered that her last conversation with Ryder had been less than pleasant. _

_It had been right after he had sung to some unwitting girl who had turned out not to be his online love-interest Katie but rather a random classmate named Marissa. He had seemed so hurt and so distraught, and Marley had decided that it would be best to let him go and cope with his emotions on his own. After all, it had wounded her when he had said that he didn't want anyone to help him, especially not her or Jake. Why had she listened to him? Why had she let one of her best friends walk away?_

_But Brittany had made it to the choir room, and she was safe. Maybe everyone was safe. Maybe her answer would be no, no one had a gun. Maybe Brittany would be able to tell them that they were all just imagining things. And yet, the older cheerleader was sobbing in a way that made Marley fairly certain the world was about to shatter around her. _

"_Yes," she said hoarsely. She tried to look up to meet their eyes, but Sam only cradled her closer to his chest when she tried to move._

"_Did anyone – did anyone get shot?" Jake persisted. Marley could tell that his bravado was also fading a bit as Brittany confirmed their worst fears._

"_I don't know," she murmured. "I was walking towards Kitty and Ryder in the hallway – we usually walk to Glee together on days when we have it first, and then I saw the gun, and I heard the shot, and then everyone was running in different directions. I don't know what happened to them," she confessed miserably. "I tried to call Kitty about a dozen times while I was in different bathrooms and closets on my way here. I'm worried…I'm worried that she might be with the shooter." Brittany bit her lip as thirteen pairs of eyes widened in horror._

"_What makes you say that, Brit?" Blaine asked her. His voice sounded calm, but he had been pulling at his hair so much that his normally gelled do was now sticking up in odd directions._

"_Because I saw who the shooter was."_

"_**I'd be willing to bet that every single one of you has judged me. Some of you just see my neck brace and feel sorry for the poor crippled girl. You don't think I'm the same as a real person just because I have a handicap. Others just see my uniform and label me as a bitch or a whore. None of you really know me. None of you know what it's like to be me. You think that it's easy around here just because I'm a Cheerio? You think that being in a group that tears each other down and trashes everyone and everything makes me special? You think that pushing through all of the pain just to be on this squad makes my parents love me? You're wrong."**_


	3. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee. This story was loosely inspired by spoilers for 4x18. It's also somewhat based off of One Tree Hill's _With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept_ episode (3x16). Title is taken from the REM song.

**Author's Note**: I appreciate all of the amazing feedback you guys have been giving me on this story! Especially to: **littlemissmusicdummy**, **Atitsuki Akira**, **singingprilly**, **asphodelgold**,** irishmist816**, **Shawshank Prisoner**, **ilovejily**, **My Reason Why**, **Firestar176**, **LexiAlice13**, **KlainebowsEverywhere**, **Rachaelsweet565**, **Guest**, **NathanJames23**, **Mickey Rae**, **EdmundPevensie**, **NateyP**, **future **, **Gurlonthemove**, **Guest 2**, **ChuckNutz**, **10pandasrule10**, **angel-ali**, **Guest 3**, **Alex B. Goode**, **ksgleeov12**, **gogo12**, **Silverprint**, **cyn23**, **xXx GoldenRose xXx**, **PortiaInAStorm**,** SouthrnBelle, PickleDough, SpencerReidFan047**, **Guest 4**, **Guest **5, **Guest 6, Ryley4ever**,** LetYourFreakFlagFly**, and **B00kw0rm92**.

**Chapter 2**

"Yeah…yeah, I remember that. I was with Kitty. We were walking down the hallway, and headed towards Brittany and towards Glee club, but then…Then she ran up to us with the gun. She held it up and pointed and Kitty and tried to boss her around, but… But she was shaking, and she just looked so lost. I don't now if she actually meant for it to…for it to… God, Marley, I was so scared," Ryder mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut as if that would block out the memory. "All she wanted was for Kitty and the other Cheerios to go with her, but when it was pointing at Kitty, I just – I panicked, Marls. I tried to push the gun out of Kitty's face, and then the shot went off, and then… Then it hurt like hell, and then I saw her ushering Kitty away, and everyone was running and screaming, and what if she wasn't the only one? What if there were more of them? So all I could do was crawl…crawl…" Ryder's voice trailed off, and he clenched his jaw in pain.

"Hey, hey, you're okay now. It's… I mean, you're okay now. No one else is going to get hurt," Marley tried to soothe him as she squeezed his hand again. He nodded in sad understanding, but then seemed to fully comprehend what she said.

"No one else… Was I the only one? Were their others? And how – Marley, how did you get to me? Shouldn't you have been in the choir room with Jake and the others?" Marley sighed deeply, slumping a bit more as she looked into Ryder's expectant eyes.

"You were the only one she shot," Marley whispered. "But…"

Slowly, she resumed her story.

"_**I don't think a single person in this school could really call themselves my friend. Maybe not even a single person in this world. Do any of you know what happened to me? Do any of you know why I even need to wear this brace? Maybe you just didn't ask because you don't know how to deal with feeling uncomfortable. Maybe you're too much of a coward to deal with the tough conversations that come when you really try to understand a person. Or maybe you just don't care because you didn't think I was worth your time. You don't care about feeling anyone else's pain but your own."**_

"_Because I saw who the shooter was." _

_Brittany's revelation was met with silent stares. The choir room had been quiet and frightened before, but there had also been that lingering scent of hope: hope that it wasn't real, hope that this wasn't happening, hope that it was all in their imaginations. Now there was no denying it. There was a shooter out there in the halls of McKinley High School, and one of their own had seen who it was._

_Marley was the first to move. She pulled out her phone, which had been sitting idly by her side since she had texted her mother to tell her what was going on and that she was safe. Her mother hadn't responded; she was probably sleeping off her sickness, and part of Marley was glad that she wasn't awake to worry about her daughter. She scrolled straight through her contacts and pushed 'Send' on the one that said Ryder Lynn._

"_Pick up, pick up, please pick up," she murmured under her breath, feeling panic rise in the back of her throat with each unanswered ring. "C'mon, Ryder, please answer," she whispered, and beside her Jake started to rub her back soothingly._

"_I'm sure he's fine," Jake said, but his voice was hollow and unconvincing. "Right, Britt? I'm sure they weren't anywhere near the…" But Jake's voice trailed off as he saw the way Brittany's eyes widened in horror._

"_Who…who was it, Brittany?" Sam was asking. Mr. Schuester was nodding in her direction, trying to encourage her to fill the others in on what was happening in their hallways, and Marley could see that the blonde cheerleader was shaking. _

"_Ce-ce-celeste," Brittany stuttered. "The Ch-cheerio with the neckbrace. And… well… She was yelling at Kitty when – when – the shot went off," she sobbed, and Marley felt her blood run cold. _

"_And you lost them," Marley whispered, punching Ryder's number into her phone again._

"_Oh, God, oh God, oh, God," she repeated in horror, feeling Brittany's words hit her over and over again. "He's not going to pick up. He's not going to pick up, is he?" She stared up at Jake, who was biting his lip in a very uncharacteristic manner._

"_I…I have no idea, Marley," he said. "No one knows what's happening out there, but we have to stay safe and quiet in here. That's all we can do right now, okay? That's all we can do for them, is make sure that we don't get ourselves hurt too." She didn't like the way that he said 'too,' as if someone was already out there injured. Dead? She didn't know. She was afraid to know._

"_But you said you thought Kitty was with the shooter," Sugar pointed out nervously. The normally composed but ditzy girl seemed completely sobered by what was going on around her. "So that's better than her getting shot, right?"_

"_What about Ryder?" the blonde girl under the piano whispered, and Marley suddenly found herself wanting to retort by asking who the girl was and why she cared. Here they all were, huddled together as a club and scared senseless for their friends who had apparently been close by, and this girl that no one even knew was intruding by pressing for information. Not that Marley herself wasn't waiting on the edge of her seat to ask the same question…_

"_Who are you?" Jake asked, as if reading her mind – or maybe her body language, which had grown if possible more withdrawn at the girl's question._

"_Marissa. I'm – um – gosh, I know this is going to sound stupid, but I'm the girl Ryder sang to yesterday by mistake," she said, and Marley's defenses came down a little bit when she saw the girl's tear-streaked and scared face. "I just…he seems like a really good guy."_

"_He is," Marley admitted softly, looking to Brittany expectantly. However, Sam had shielded her from the others and seemed to be cradling her as she sobbed into him, and he shot the others a look that clearly told them not to pressure her to relive the terrible moment again._

_Marley tried Ryder's phone number one more time, growing increasingly jittery with each ring (Jake had to hold her knee down so that her shoe would stop clicking against the linoleum floor when she shook her leg), and then tried Kitty as if that would somehow yield a different result._

"_All you can do is wait for them to call back, baby. You're just going to waste your battery like this," Jake said, pulling her close to him and burying his face in her hair. "I'm scared, too." He whispered it, and Marley wasn't sure if he had meant for it to happen or not. _

_The students gathered in the choir room could all hear the sirens outside as emergency vehicles gathered around McKinley. Marissa had crawled over to Jake and Marley much to Mr. Schuester's protest, and she was sitting beside them waiting to see if they heard anything from Ryder. Brittany was still in Sam's arms, as if he could protect her from the horrible things she may or may not have seen. Unique and Joe were beside Mr. Schuester now, who was whispering something to them. Tina and the random other student were both leaning on Blaine's shoulders now, which had at least forced him to stop pulling his own hair out. Sugar had made her way over to Artie and was holding him up beside her. Jake continued to clutch on to Marley, as if it was helping._

_Where were Ryder and Kitty? Were they okay? There hadn't been any more shots, but all Marley could imagine was the worst. Her grief was silent, but every part of her hurt. What if Ryder was gone and she never got to fix things after the whole Catfish debacle? What if she never got to see his goofy grin again? What if she and Kitty never got a chance to be friends, like real, true friends? What if Ryder had been shot and had no idea what he really meant to her?_

_And what exactly _did_ he mean to her? Things had been a little bit frayed lately, sure, but he was still one of her best friends. She had been genuinely hurt and upset when he had accused her of being his Catfish. He had thought that it was her messed up way of dealing with feelings for him – did she have feelings for him? It was impossible. But then why had she gotten so defensive when Marissa had shown concern for him? No, no, no. Everyone was panicking. Everyone's emotions were running haywire. No one should have to live through a moment like this. There was no point in reading into anything that she was thinking or feeling right now, because she felt like she was on a rollercoaster taking her from Point Terrified to Point Shocked and back._

_It felt like they had been locked in this room for an eternity. What felt like hours were probably only minutes, but each noise set her heart racing with anxiety. She reached to dial Ryder's phone number again, but Jake grabbed her hand._

"_All we can do is wait. The police are out there, Marls. They're going to take care of things as fast as they can. No one is going to get hurt. No one can possibly get hurt," Jake repeated, and again Marley felt like his words were more to convince himself than her._

_The silence stretched on until sitting there felt unbearable. The whole school was on lockdown, and here in the choir room, the only thing that could be heard was the drone of sirens outside and the sound of Artie's gasping breaths._

_Blaine had to clap a hand over Tina's mouth to keep her from screaming when a ringtone suddenly broke the silence. Marley was startled out of her stupor when she realized that it was her phone ringing._

Kitty Wilde_ flashed across the screen, and Marley desperately hit the 'Accept' button._

"_Kitty. Kitty, oh my God, are you okay? Are you hurt? Is Ryder with you? Is the shooter still out there?" Mr. Schuester waved furiously at Marley to indicate that she was being too loud, and she dropped her voice. "Where are you? What's going on?" _

"_She's… she's got us all in the auditorium. All the Cheerios and the jocks that she could find. She went out to check the halls… She doesn't know I still have my phone. But Marley – Marley, I don't know what she's going to do, but I lost Ryder. I lost him, but – but I think he's hurt. I think… Marley, I can't keep talking, I think she's coming back. But… but… Someone needs to go find him. Someone needs to go help him before it's too late."_

"_What do you mean, you think he's hurt? Where do you think he is? Kitty, what happened? What's going on?" Marley thought she heard the sound of a door opening on the other end of the line. Kitty's final terrified whisper urged, "Someone needs to help him." The line went dead._

"_**Is that why this school is full of people who make fun of each other for every little imperfection? Is that why we constantly tell each other that none of us are good enough? Because we're all too scared to actually be ourselves and to be good people because nobody's going to accept us for that? Nobody's going to accept us anyway. And maybe after this, maybe they'll treat other people like they're actual human beings for a while, but it never lasts, does it? People never **_**really **_**change. And that's why I have no choice. There's nothing left for me after the way everyone here, and everyone outside of these halls, too, has treated me. It's never going to get better for you, or for him, or for her, or for me. It's never going to get better for any of us, so why bother waiting for it to?"**_


	4. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee. This story was loosely inspired by spoilers for 4x18. It's also somewhat based off of One Tree Hill's _With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept_ episode (3x16). Title is taken from the REM song.

**Author's Note**: I appreciate all of the amazing feedback you guys have been giving me on this story! Especially to: **PortiaInAStorm**,** loveashmarie**, **KlaineForeverLover07**, **B00kw0rm92**, **ChuckNutz**, **thatgirlmona**, **Alex B. Goode**, **TheJokerInaDeckof53**, **gogo12**, **Panemaniac124**, and **UConnHusky90**.

**Chapter 3**

"I just… I can't believe that she really wanted to hurt all those people. I went to the Sadie Hawkins Dance with her, remember? She was a little bit shy, and she seemed a little bit unhappy, but I just… It didn't seem like a bad night. I thought she had fun," Ryder said dejectedly. "I tried to always say hi to her in the hallways and stuff after that. But I should have tried harder. I should have made sure she knew people thought she was actually cool. I just – why did she do it, Marley? What's going to happen to her now?"

Marley sighed. She hated how sad he looked. He seemed haunted by his own memories of the girl with the gun (_only 24 hours ago she was still the girl with the neckbrace instead, and oh God, wouldn't it have been better for her to be remembered like that instead?)_, but that was the way he was; he always thought that he could help people. He always seemed to be putting what others needed ahead of his own happiness.

Ryder Lynn always wanted to be the hero. He had already admitted that that was the reason he was in this hospital bed in the first place, after all. He had tried to protect Kitty. He had wanted to help Celeste and to be her friend. He had wanted to fix Marley and her problems with her body image. Who knows how many others he had gone out of his way to try to be there for, and what did he get in return? A fake internet almost-girlfriend who was really someone close to him toying with his emotions and a bullet through his shoulder.

Marley had already felt her innocence slip away from her today, but the realization that her best friend tried so hard to fix everyone else and none of them seemed to let him… That crushed her even more. She was sitting beside someone who was so sweet, so good, and who tried so hard, and she hated knowing that the blonde girl he had protected earlier today was out in the waiting room beating herself up for what had happened. The girl sitting beside him holding his hand still was hiding things from him about how she was really dealing with her own issues. And the third girl, the one he had gone to a dance with and had smiled at in the hallways ever since… Well. She dreaded the look on his face when he found out even more than she dreaded having to speak about the reality of it all.

"I – well – there's a lot more that I should tell you before we get to that. You wanted to know how I ended up with you instead of in the choir room, right? Why don't we start there," Marley said, deflecting the issue for as long as possible. Not that talking about the in-between was much better…

"_**That pain that you feel? The way that you hate yourself when you wake up everyday? The way that you don't even want to get out of bed every day because facing all these judgmental assholes is just too much? It's never going to go away. It's only going to get worse."**_

_Marley leapt to her feet, and Jake pulled her back down instantly._

"_What are you doing? We have to stay still! We don't want to draw any attention to the fact that we're in here!" Jake's voice was low but commanding. Mr. Schuester didn't have to wave at him to quiet down like he had done when Marley was on the phone, but she had a feeling that if he continued talking to her he would get the same treatment._

_She knew that Jake was being reasonable – that he was right, even – but all of a sudden it felt like he was giving her a lecture. Ryder was hurt. Ryder was in danger. Kitty was in danger, too. Why was no one else moving? Why did no one else seem to care? Why was she the only one that suddenly felt like she was suffocating inside of the choir room?_

_She settled for punching Ryder's number into her phone one last desperate time – at this point she had hit dial so many times that she had memorized the seven digits that kept flashing across her screen. It went to voicemail. _

"_Yo, you've reached the Batcave – okay, fine, this is actually Ryder Lynn. Leave a message at the beep! I can't believe people still say that… Oh no, this was still recording. Aaaaahhhh." Marley remembered that she had been there when Ryder had recorded that message; she had been the one to playfully hit him when he had said that his callers had reached the Batcave. She remembered laughing at him when he realized he didn't know how to change the message again; Marley had been the one to help him figure out the instructions, and she refused to help him again because she found his recorded message funny and endearing. She remembered the cute, dopey look on his face when he had conceded and agreed to keep the message._

_She couldn't breathe._

_What if she never saw that dopey look on his face again? What if she never heard him laugh at himself again when he did something silly? What if the only time she would ever hear his voice again was on that damn voicemail recording?_

_She tried to tug away from Jake's hand again, but he held on fiercely._

"_Let me go," she insisted, pounding her free fist against his check as she tried desperately to pull away from him again. "Let me go, let me go, let me go!" She somehow managed to keep her voice from rising to a pitch of desperation, but Jake eyed her stonily._

"_I know you're scared. I know you're worried about him. But Marley – you're everything to me. I can't let you go out there. You're in a room full of people who love you, and yeah, we love Ryder too, but we can't let you leave. He wouldn't want you to go look for him. He would want you to stay here, safe." _

_Marley felt an uncharacteristic wave of resentment in that moment. Who was Jake to tell her what Ryder would want? Who was he to tell her what to do when one of her best friends could be dying? Could be dead already? Kitty had said he needed help, so dammit, why was no one helping?_

_Without meaning to, Marley let the words slip from her mouth. "How do you know what he wants? You don't even know if he's alive," she said, and Jake hung his head._

"_Marley – you can't… You have to calm down. Please, baby. You need to calm down. We don't want anyone to find us here," he whispered, trying to sooth her as he had done earlier and failing. "You've got to stay here. There's nothing we can do." Marley shoved him again, trying one last time to pull away frantically, and Jake only pulled her into his chest with a tight grip that she couldn't possibly escape. All of her frustrations came to a head, and she felt herself start sobbing into her boyfriends chest._

"_It's okay. It's okay. It's okay," he repeated over and over again, but everyone around them, staring at the scene Marley was causing, knew it was a lie. Beside her, Marissa was giving her a sympathetic look._

"_I wish we could go find him, too," the unknown girl whispered. "I know I'm not really close to him like you are, but no one deserves to be out there alone and scared and in pain. It's terrifying enough being in here." She, like so many others in the room, was hugging her knees to her chest and rocking back and forth. There was a blank look on her face, and her eyes were distant, as if she was trying to stay completely numb._

_Her phone buzzed just once. _Kitty Wilde_ flashed across the screen. Marley swiped the screen to unlock the message, not sure what she was hoping to find there, but she felt distraught when she saw just a few short words. "Lost by gym. Boy's l.r." She clutched her phone in frustration. What did that even mean? What was an l.r.? Lost what? _

_Marley realized that she had been hoping for a real update. Was the shooter still with all of the Cheerios in the auditorium? Had anyone else gotten hurt? Was Kitty scared? Was she going to be okay? Did she know where Ryder was?_

_It hit like a flash. Lost. Kitty had said she lost Ryder. And she had lost him by the gym. But what did the rest of it mean? And was Kitty okay? Was the girl risking her life to send a text to Marley while the shooter was in the auditorium? Or was Celeste gone? _

"_What does this even mean?" Marley murmured to herself, ignoring the worried look on Jake's face. Marissa, who had been peering over her shoulder, let out a strangled sound that sounded almost like a chuckle. The look on her face, though, showed that there was still nothing worth laughing about around her._

"_You're clearly not any kind of athlete. L.r. Locker room," the blonde girl whispered. "But what good does that do us? We still can't go out there. We don't even know what's going on."_

"_Kitty said he needs help," Marley insisted quietly._

"_And I'm sure Kitty needs help, too, but we just have to hope that people out there are looking for them, Marley," Mr. Schuester said. He looked like he was on the brink of crawling over to her side of the room, but Unique let out another stifled sob, keeping the show choir director in his current position._

"_She sounded _terrified. _She said he needed help. She said she lost him. She thought he was hurt," Marley protested a little too shrilly, and Sam spoke up for the first time. He was still clutching on to Brittany as tightly as possible, stroking her hair and rubbing her back intermittently to calm her down. He was staring at her as if the world had almost ended, but his face was the one in the room that had any glimmer of hope on it. Marley realized that he had felt her same desperation when Brittany had been out in the hallways after the shot had gone off. But Brittany was here now. Brittany was safe, and with the rest of the Glee club, and Ryder wasn't. Ryder was alone, and he deserved to have somebody tell him it was okay, even if they didn't mean it. He deserved for his family to protect him the way they were all protecting each other in the choir room right now._

"_We're all terrified, Marley. We're all scared. But… Well, I was ready to leave to go find Brittany. I can't imagine how you feel knowing that Ryder might _really_ be hurt. I mean, I was willing to risk it all to make sure somebody I cared about was safe. I think you should be able to do the same," the senior class vice-president said. It all happened in a flash – Marley processed Sam's words as they both leapt from their hiding spots. Sam was telling her to go. Sam was telling her he had wanted to do the same thing. Sam was telling her that he wanted to _help_. _

_Mr. Schuester was too far away to react in time. Jake had let his guard down when Marley had been checking her phone, and had released his grip on his girlfriend. Sam pushed the filing cabinet out of the way of the door just a hare, the way that Mr. Schuester had to let Brittany in. Mr. Schue and Jake both crawled as fast as they could towards the door. She felt Jake's hand grab on to her ankle as she slipped through the crack that Sam had created. She tugged her foot away, and she pulled the door behind her. She could hear the sound of the filing cabinet sliding back into place behind her as she crouched down in the deserted hallway._

_She was out. She was totally alone in the eerie silence. And she was totally out in the open. What had she just done? What if she rounded the first corner and came face to face with that gun?_

_She considered going back into the safety of the choir room. She was pretty sure that everyone within fifty yards could hear the panicked racing of her heart. She could see Mr. Schuester's distraught expression as Sam stood in his way. She could see Marissa holding Jake down into his own hiding place. Jake looked furious and frightened at the same time. But in her mind, more powerful than any of those images, Marley could see Ryder's face._

_She started walking._

"_**Today is a day I will never be able to take back. A day that none of us will ever be able to take back. And none of you will ever remember the good things that I accomplished. None of you will remember that I led charity book drives, or that I adopted a kitten who had had its tail chopped off by its last owner. You won't remember that I tutored students with learning disabilities at the nearby elementary school. All you'll remember is this. All you'll remember is me trying to show you how much it all hurts. But none of you would have remembered those things about me anyway. None of you ever take the time to know about each other. No one in this world cares about anyone else."**_


	5. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee. This story was loosely inspired by spoilers for 4x18. It's also somewhat based off of One Tree Hill's _With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept_ episode (3x16). Title is taken from the REM song.

**Author's Note**: I appreciate all of the amazing feedback you guys have been giving me on this story! Especially to: **UConnHusky90**, **sibunapuzzler22**, **rosiearthur18**, **Ryley4ever**, **PortiaInAStorm**, **amyelainerohr**, **Harry-Potter-Magic**, **B00kw0rm92**, **Panemaniac124**, **Gleek555**, **Alex B. Goode**, **KlaineForeverLover07**, **ur faceeee**, **ChuckNutz, PickleDough, Iheartart13, ryleyisperfect, Amorphous Hotness, starfire25**, **dannyboy23, **** .35**, **lemoncave**, **ilovejily**, and **chavesalfaroA**.

**Chapter 4**

"Marley…" Ryder began, interrupting her story. She sighed, anticipating what he was going to say.

"Please don't give me the lecture about how I should have stayed in the choir room, Ryder. I've heard it already, and I still don't regret what I did." Her tone was a bit more defensive than she meant for it to be, but they had all gone through a terrible ordeal today. It seemed only natural that she would be a bit on edge.

"Actually, I was going to be kind of selfish and tell you that I really appreciate you searching for me. I'm really glad you came…" His voice trailed off again, and although he had limited mobility from his hospital bed, he indicated the machines that he was currently strapped to. Marley shivered at his implication. If she hadn't found him in time, would he have ever come out of his coma? Would he have even survived until he got to the hospital?

Marley angrily swatted away the tears that were welling up in her eyes. She had been _so_ close to losing Ryder today, and all day she had tried to put aside the fact that that meant more to her than she had possibly realized. That life without Ryder… She shouldn't worry about that now. She had him here, at least for a bit longer, and she had time to show him how much she really appreciated him. She had nothing to be crying about; she was supposed to be the one that was staying strong for him.

She felt like she had been telling herself that over and over again, and yet he still ended up looking at her in that knowing way he had when he could tell that she was upset.

"Hey, Marls, don't worry. I'm still here. I know that things in general aren't okay, but I'm okay. I'm okay because of you," he reminded her, giving her that look of total adoration and confidence in her that made her stomach flip-flop even after all this time. It would always amaze her that he believed in her so much, and she felt her eyes watering again for entirely different reasons.

"Come here," Ryder said soothingly, opening his arms as much as he could so that she could resume her awkward perch on the side of the bed. She gladly crawled into the offered hug, ignoring the fact that her boyfriend was in the next room and would probably be less than thrilled with her for cuddling with his best friend. After what she had gone through today, she never wanted to let Ryder go again, and the fact that he was worried about her right now when he was the one attached to beeping machines only cemented her resolve.

"You saved my life, Marley. You were amazingly brave today – braver than you will ever give yourself credit for. But… I still don't understand how you managed to find me." Marley nestled in to him a bit closer, mustering up a bit more of that courage he was so sure she had in order to continue her story.

"_**When your parents hear about what happened here today, they won't stop to think about the kind of kids that they raised or the way that you treat other people. They'll just blame it all on me. They'll say that I'm crazy, and that I had mental issues, and that I was unfit to be a part of society. They'll say I was a monster. I don't feel like I'm a monster. I feel like I'm somebody who's just been kicked around a few too many times."**_

_Left foot._

_Right foot._

_Left foot._

_Right foot._

_Left. Right. Left. Right._

_Breathe, Marley. Just breathe._

_She could feel her heart hammering inside of her chest. It felt so loud that she was almost certain that people sitting in the locked down classrooms could hear it, too._

_She hoped that none of them were afraid, assuming that her quiet footsteps were the sound of a maniac who wanted to shoot them all._

_A maniac? Was that really what Marley thought that Celeste was?_

_She realized that she didn't know what she thought about anything anymore. She didn't have time to think; didn't have time to fall apart._

_All she could do was walk forward. She had to stay focused on getting to Ryder._

_Slowly, Marley walked down the hallway. She had decided that going the long way around the halls was the best way; it would avoid the auditorium, and judging by the fact that Kitty hadn't gotten in touch with Marley again, she had a feeling that was where the shooter was camped out still._

_She ducked behind a set of lockers at one point to silence her phone, which had started to quietly buzz in her pocket._

_**Jake Puckerman: **__Marley, why are you doing this?_

_**Jake Puckerman: **__Marls, you need to come back._

_**Jake Puckerman:**__ Marls, please. You're scaring me._

_**Jake Puckerman: **__Mr. Schue won't let me come after you._

_**Jake Puckerman: **__Marley, please don't go through with this._

_**Jake Puckerman: **__I love you._

_She hated that her reaction was not to be touched by his concern but rather to be annoyed. Why didn't he understand? Ryder was one of his best friends, too. How could he just sit there and not care about finding him? Why did he just want to hide when someone he loved was in danger?_

_And why, why didn't he realize that continuing to text her and make her phone go off was just going to put her at higher risk for being found?_

_**Marley Rose: **__I'll be fine. _

_She kept walking._

_Marley had never realized how long the hallway was before. It looked as though it stretched out for miles in the direction of the boys' locker room. Seconds ticked by, and the clocks in the hallway seemed to pound even louder than her own heartbeat._

_The sound of a paper rustling in a nearby trashcan nearly made Marley squeak in fear. Her heart rate doubled when she stubbed her toe on a notebook that lay abandoned in the hallway. An open locker swung slightly on its hinges, and Marley nearly jumped out of her own skin._

_But at least none of these sounds were footsteps. None of these sounds were doors opening or closing. None of these noises were gunshots._

_She continued on._

_Her primary focus was on reaching Ryder, but when she let her mind wander, her heart went out to Kitty. How was her friend feeling right now? She had been right there when the first – hopefully the only – shot had gone off. She was most likely trapped with the shooter still even now. Was she terrified? Was she calm, as only Kitty seemed to be in tough situations? Did she feel like it was her fault that one of her teammates was doing this?_

_Marley briefly pondered how she would feel if this was one of the members of the glee club that was rounding students up with a gun. She would still be terrified, quite frankly, but a larger part of her felt heartbroken at the thought. This was a group full of people that she cared about – would any of them ever feel driven to do this kind of thing? Would any of them feel like this was what they had to resort to?_

_It was strange and equally terrifying to realize that she had no idea what the Cheerio with the neckbrace was thinking or feeling. She couldn't even fathom why this was happening, but something about this must have seemed like the right choice for Celeste. Why? _

_Marley blinked rapidly. She couldn't cry right now. She didn't even know the girl, and as far as she knew everyone was still okay._

Everyone but Ryder, _that voice in the back of her head nagged again. She pressed her back flat against a wall and took a deep breath. She couldn't be scared now. She couldn't be worried about what she might find. She couldn't feel sad for everyone in the building, whose lives may never be the same after today. She couldn't even feel sad for, or maybe angry at, Celeste for what was happening._

_She couldn't _feel_ anything. There was no time for such things._

_And yet with each step she felt overwhelmed by how heavy her heart seemed to have grown in the last hour. It felt as if it was a weight anchoring her to the ground as she rounded the last corner towards the boy's locker room._

_She was lucky. She was incredibly lucky to have made it this far without encountering anyone._

_Did that mean that others somewhere weren't so lucky?_

_She pushed the thought away again. She resisted the urge to run the now short distance towards the locker room door. Instead, she tiptoed forward, resuming her resigned pace from earlier._

_Left foot. Right foot. Left. Right._

_Finally, she pushed the door open just a crack._

_It had never occurred to her to think about who else she might find there besides Ryder. She wasn't at all prepared for if she crept inside and found a gun pointed in her face. If Ryder was really hurt, maybe the shooter was watching over him. Making sure he suffered. _

_Why would anyone want Ryder Lynn to suffer?_

_Marley took another deep breath to calm herself, and she scanned the sliver of the room that she could see through the gap she created. She thought there was a trickle of something dark on the floor. She bit the inside of her cheek and forced herself to ignore it._

_There didn't seem to be anyone in her line of vision, and she hadn't heard any noises since she had propped open the door. She mustered up her last bit of courage and slipped through the opened door._

_The boy's locker room was much larger than she remembered it being from their make-shift Glee rehearsals that winter. She saw benches and a chalkboard towards the front, and in the middle there were countless rows of lockers. Around the back corner of the locker room she knew there a few showers. _

_There was no sign of Ryder… Unless she paid closer attention to the dark trickle on the floor._

_She resisted the urge to vomit as she tiptoed forward. This was still a huge room, and if Ryder could possibly be hiding in here somewhere, then something more dangerous could be in the shadows as well._

_She walked farther back, glancing around the corner down each row of lockers as she went. No one. Always there was no one._

_Part of her was grateful. Part of her was horrified. What if Kitty was wrong? What if Ryder wasn't here at all? What if he was out there hurt, still alone, only now Marley was going to be alone and helpless too?_

_She could have sworn she heard a low moan. _

"_Ryder?" she whispered, grabbing the nearest bench to calm her nerves. No reply came. _

_All she could do was keep going further back into the depths of the room._

_The tiles of the floor had become darker, making the trickle harder to track, but she thought she stepped in something sticky yet slick as she came to the end of the pathway. She nearly slipped and accidentally kicked a stray tennis ball in the process._

_From the showers, she heard a gentle dragging sound, as if someone was trying to pull themselves away from the rolling ball._

"_Ryder?" Marley whispered again, finally peaking into the showers._

"_Marley?" his weak voice came in reply as her eyes locked on his bleeding form, slumped against the farthest wall. His clouded brown eyes locked on her desperate blue ones. "Am I dreaming?"_

"_**Am I a maniac? Is that how you're all going to see me now too? Or are there some of you out there watching this who wish that you had thought of this first? I'm sure none of you are willing to admit it, but most of you probably wish that you had gotten the chance to make them suffer for all the pain they caused you, too. I never wanted to hurt anyone – so why did they hurt me first?"**_


	6. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee. This story was loosely inspired by spoilers for 4x18. It's also somewhat based off of One Tree Hill's _With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept_ episode (3x16). Title is taken from the REM song.

**Author's Note**: I appreciate all of the amazing feedback you guys have been giving me on this story! Especially to: **Alex B. Goode, PortiaInAStorm, elmroxsify1, TeaAndGlee, aishacake220, creddie cailey kogan supporter**, **Panemaniac124, Candyhead, Starfire25, ChuckNutz, b00kw0rm92, UConnHusky90, KlaineForeverLover07, fashion-nerd, Simply Snazzical, NinaSkylove, Hermione Granger, and Josie Johns.**

**Chapter 5**

"You know, any other situation it would have been hilarious to see you walk into a guy's locker room," Ryder attempted lightheartedly. Marley did her best to fake a smile.

"You would have probably been appalled by all of the guys running around partially clothed, smacking each other with towels," he added, and at the thought Marley actually did crack a small smile.

"Oh, God. I would have been so embarrassed," Marley agreed, her face tinting pink slightly as she buried her face into Ryder's uninjured shoulder. She felt him nestle closer to her a little bit, and she tried to suppress all thoughts of the other boy, the boyfriend sitting and waiting for her in the other room.

She was amazed that he hadn't come in to see his supposed best friend by this point, but then again, he had been really upset at Marley for leaving to find Ryder in the first place. Maybe he was feeling selfish now that he realized Marley really had saved Ryder's life. Or maybe… Maybe he was thinking something else.

And then there was Kitty. Part of Marley wished that the blonde girl had come in to talk to Ryder; she knew that after the day that the girl was having, she really needed friends right now. She needed the two friends that were in Ryder's hospital room, on Ryder's hospital bed, in particular, but she had been insistent about staying where she was, and Marley could only hope that Jake was still there keeping her company.

The other part of Marley was glad, though, for the privacy that she had with her best friend. They had lived some of life's worst moments together today, and everything still felt fresh, and new, and terrifying, and so horribly real, the way she was curled up next to Ryder made her feel the tiniest bit of hope for the first time since the shot had gone off. He still had a slight, albeit dazed, grin on his face after Marley's slight blush.

_Will he be able to still smile like that when he knows everything? Will I ever be able to smile like that again?_

Those were answers Marley didn't know.

"You know, I would try to start plotting ways to see that actually become a reality… But for now just let me say again how grateful I am that you were in that locker room with me. I know I already said this, but without you…" Marley shuddered involuntarily.

"Please stop reminding me," Marley whispered. "You – I mean… It was all too close. Way closer than you know." Marley gnawed at her lip, which stung from all of the nervous biting she had done today, before starting to recount exactly what had happened once she found Ryder in the locker room.

"_**Why did none of you ever stop to think how it felt when you would call me names? No girl wants to be called Neckbrace or Cripple-head. No human wants to be called that. And no one deserves it, either. And you don't think people have told me about the pornographic drawings of me in both the boys' and girls' locker rooms? How would you feel if people turned your disability into a bad sexual innuendo? Because it makes me feel dirty and pathetic. It makes me wish I was dead. It makes me wish all of you were dead."**_

_Marley wasn't sure she had ever felt this way before. Was it possible for a person to feel overwhelmed with joy at the sight of someone while simultaneously wanting to vomit because of the same thing? After her torturous journey through the hallway, she had safely reached Ryder. He was alive, and he was giving her that look of complete and total adoration – as if seeing her was the only thing he needed in the whole world to make him happy. Her heart felt like it was on a rollercoaster ride; it soared at the sight of him alive and out of harm's way, but it plummeted rapidly as she took in the drips of blood coming out of his left shoulder. _

_His pale yellow hoodie was definitely not yellow anymore. The front of it was garnet and rust and all kinds of dark red shades that she didn't think she would ever appreciate the beauty of again after this moment. His eyes, although they seemed to liven up as they locked on her, were droopy and sleepy, so unlike Ryder's normal energy. His hair was disheveled, and he was slumped in defeat. _

_Was he dying? _

"_I got shot, Marls. Ghost Marley. Whatever you are. I keep bleeding, so maybe I'm dead and you're my guardian angel or something. Are you an angel? Or is this a dream?" he asked again, lifting his somewhat limp right arm towards her, as if to test if she were real or just a figment of his imagination._

_Marley had been frozen in place until that moment, but suddenly she rushed forward and knelt in front of Ryder, taking his offered hand in hers._

"_I'm here, Ryder. I'm right here. And so are you," she whispered. She gently raised her fingers towards his wound, examining it closely but too timid to touch it. A million questions raced through her head – did it hurt? How did it happen? Was he scared? How did he feel? Was the bullet still lodged in his shoulder? Was…_

"_Why?" he asked her quietly. "Why are you here, Marley?"_

"_All of us were in the choir room except for you and Kitty and Brittany, and we were so scared, and I didn't know where you were," she began, then corrected herself. "Where any of you were. But Brittany appeared, and she told us who the shooter was, and she told us that you and Kitty were right by her when the shot went off…" Marley's voice trailed off as she stared at the bullet wound once more._

"_I was where the shot went off, yeah," he pointed out humorlessly. "But I guess it's not so bad. At least it kept her from shooting Kitty… If she was ever really going to shoot anyone at all," he added. Marley was shocked at the fact that he seemed to be still bleeding, and dismissed his musings as she took off her own cardigan sweater._

"_Er, Ryder – I think we need to do something to stop you from bleeding. Do you know where the bullet is?" she asked him, mesmerized by the bleeding hole in his body. _

"_Oh yeah, I know where the bullet is," he said derisively. Marley was again caught off guard by the flat tone in his normally joking voice. "There's no way we're getting it out. But at least now that you're here we could try wrapping it up."_

_Before he had even finished speaking, Marley had started to wrap her sweater around him as gingerly as she could. She was afraid to be too firm because she didn't want to hurt him, but she knew it was useless if she wrapped it too loosely around him. She appreciated the way Ryder pretended not to wince when she pulled on the sweater to tie it off._

"_Does that feel any better?" Marley asked him as her white sweater quickly started to turn red. Her stomach lurched, but she did her best not to show any facial expressions for Ryder's benefit. If he could stay calm right now, the least she could do was match his demeanor. After all, the panic was over now – she knew that Ryder was still alive._

For now_, a dark thought crept in. _But what happens when he keeps bleeding and you can't get him out of here because the school's on lockdown? What happens when the shooter comes back?

"_It feels better because you're here," Ryder admitted. Marley had done all that she could for him by tying up his wound and keeping pressure on it, so she crawled to sit beside him, backs pressed against the wall of the shower. They were hidden from sight should anyone choose to come into the boys' locker room, and Marley could only hope that any visitors they might receive would give up before reaching this backmost corner of the room._

"_You never answered my question, you know," Ryder said, slumping further against the wall. His body sagged involuntarily, and Marley leaned against his uninjured shoulder, feeling the need to be closer to him. Ryder instantly leaned his head on hers for support._

"_Which question?" she asked quietly, resting her hand on his leg even though in every other circumstance this would have seemed inappropriate. She didn't care anymore. Why did any of these things matter? All of these boundaries and all of these rules and all of these social conventions… They had all been smashed to hell this morning anyway. _

"_Why are you here? Why aren't you in the choir room?"_

"_Because you weren't there," Marley stated simply. "Because every second I was in there was torture. Because everyone else was just sitting there, getting in touch with the people they lo…care about, and I had no idea where you were or if you were even okay."_

_She could have sworn she heard Ryder whisper "I'm not okay," but she chose to ignore it. He was going to be okay. He had to be okay. She hadn't come all this way just to say good-bye to him._

_She felt like Jake, reassuring herself with hollow words, and she realized that maybe she at least owed it to the people in the choir room to let them know that she had reached Ryder and she was okay._

"_I called you about 20 times. It was… Being in that choir room was torture. I feel like everyone thought I was crazy. And then when Kitty called – " She idly read through the same nagging messages from Jake, telling her that she shouldn't have left – and one text from Sam, telling her that she hoped she was okay and that he was glad to have been able to help her out – when Ryder cut her off._

"_You heard from Kitty? Is she okay? Did Celeste… Was Kitty still okay?" His voice, which had been so emotionless and hollow since she had arrived, was suddenly alert and panicked._

"_She was really upset, but she was in one piece. Celeste has all the Cheerios rounded up in the auditorium… But there hasn't been a second gunshot," Marley pointed out hopefully, trying to quell the ever-present dread she was feeling. "We would know if something else had happened, right?"_

"_Yeah," Ryder said, sounding instantly sleepy again now that he had been assured of the blonde's relative safety. "Is she the one that told you where to find me?"_

"_All she kept saying was 'I lost him,' over and over again. She was really worried about you," Marley said softly, glancing sideways at his wound. "I was really worried about you," she added with a sigh, squeezing his leg slightly, as if anything could offer him reassurance while he was sitting in a locked down with a bullet lodged inside of him._

_Ryder murmured something in response that sounded vaguely like "I was really worried about you," but he spoke too quietly for her to really be sure. Her gaze was still lingering on him, and his eyes were fluttering, as if he was fighting very hard to keep them open._

"_Hey – you've gotta stay awake, Ryder. I know we can't really move you anywhere, but you can't pass out on me, either." Marley prodded him slightly, and his eyes widened. She appreciated that he was doing his best to keep them from closing, even if they were already starting to glaze over._

_Her heart raced faster again. The temporary relief she had experienced when she had run into Ryder was subsiding with each blink of his eyes. She knew that she couldn't let him fall asleep; she had to get him out of here before he slipped into a coma. But how long would it take?_

"_Keep talking to me, Ryder. Tell me a story. Make yourself stay awake," Marley begged. She tapped out a message on her cell phone to Kitty, Sam, and Jake._

_**Marley Rose:**__ I found Ryder. He's hurt pretty bad. I'm doing my best to keep him awake, but I don't know how much longer he can hold out without medical attention._

"_I don't really think she wanted to do it, Marls. She looked scared and sad and lost, but she didn't look angry or evil or anything. Aren't evil people supposed to look scary?" he rasped._

"_Evil people don't have to look evil," she whispered in response. "Sometimes evil people can look like cheerleaders." But then why hadn't there been more shots? Marley tried not to fathom what she couldn't possibly begin to understand. She had never even talked to Celeste before. She knew who she was, but she had always just kind of labeled her as another one of Sue Sylvester's minions._

"_Or sometimes we just call people evil when we're afraid to understand them." Ryder's words were slow and seemed pained, but Marley knew she had to keep him talking. Next to her, her phone lit up._

_Jake Puckerman. Jake Puckerman. Jake Puckerman. Jake Puckerman. Four messages in a row. She opened them, but quickly closed them again when she realized that they weren't messages offering her advice or saying that he wanted to come help them but that they were messages again asking her what she had been thinking and what she was going to do now._

_What _was_ she going to do now? She tried to recall Ryder's last words, and it made her feel ashamed of herself for having implied that Celeste was evil. It was just that… She found the words rolling off of her tongue, anxiety and desperation eliminating her filters._

"_What kind of person shoots someone as nice as you, then?" She bit her lip, looking around to see if there was anything else she could wrap around his shoulder for extra pressure._

_Ryder sighed deeply, wheezing slightly as he exhaled._

"_The kind of person whose hand I grab because she's got a gun pointed at Kitty," he admitted, and Marley nestled into him again so that he couldn't see her eyes water. He had gotten shot to protect Kitty? Kitty, who had done nothing but call him names for months and make him feel stupid? Kitty, who Marley had assumed was his real Catfish because it was just the kind of prank she would pull? Kitty, who probably had actually tormented Celeste during their time on the Cheerios, unlike Ryder who had done everything he could to make her feel special at the Sadie Hawkins dance even though he had been having to see Marley rub her new relationship with his best friend in his face?_

Why am I thinking all of these terrible things? _Marley didn't even recognize herself in that moment. She was ignoring Jake, who was clearly just worried about her. She was thinking negatively of Kitty, who was her friend now. She was upset at herself for having hurt Ryder in the past, even though she had long ago accepted the fact that there had been no way for her to know just how much he cared about her._

Why do all of these things suddenly matter to me now? _She looked over at the bleeding form next to her once her eyes were free of tears, and she had a sinking feeling that she knew why. She just wondered if they would live long enough for her to admit it._

"_**And what about your stupid games? Where you throw things back and forth over my head because you know I can't turn my neck that way? How is that funny? How is that amusing? Do you like taking advantage of someone else like that? Do you like shoving their own pain down their throat? Every time you laugh at me, it hurts. Are you proud of yourselves, knowing that you took a girl and hurt her so much that now she decided it's time to hurt you back?"**_


	7. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee. This story was loosely inspired by spoilers for 4x18. It's also somewhat based off of One Tree Hill's _With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept_ episode (3x16). Title is taken from the REM song.

**Author's Note**: I'm so sorry for the delay in posting this chapter! As many of you know, I am teaching English abroad this year, and I had a friend visiting me for the past couple of weeks, which kept me too busy to write. The good news is that I already wrote a chunk of the next chapter while trying to get inspiration for this one, so hopefully the next update will be quite quick.

Thank you to all of you who continue to support me as I write this (it's more difficult than I imagined to try to get into the heads of these characters), especially reviewers and new followers/favorites: **Candyhead, MystriousCraze, KTNicole, KlaineForeverLover07, ChuckNutz, Panemaniac124, B00kw0rm92, galacticsiren22, , LucasnHaley, Ryley4ever, 16kaleidoscope, UConnHusky90, ThisSideOfTheBlue, PickleDough, juliesc, Flight29downFan19, Alex B. Goode, bari-sax-babe201, .35, MissSadieKane, and Ana Cullen Pattinson.**

**Chapter 6**

Marley paused at this part of her story; the emptiness that she had been feeling all day was momentarily overwhelmed by her own embarrassment. She nestled further into Ryder, trying to hide her face.

"I'm so sorry for how I acted earlier," she whispered, feeling her face burn in shame as she thought of Ryder's revelation that he had been shot protecting Kitty. What was wrong with her? Why had she been thinking such horrible things? Why had she acted the way she did?

_Why are you still pretending you don't understand _exactly_ why? _

"Marls, it's okay. Really." Ryder's lips vibrated against her hair as he spoke, and Marley's thoughts went to the others that were presumably still in the waiting room. She thought of Jake, sitting there in order to provide a rock of comfort for her; she felt herself starting to go numb again as she remembered that his presence really hadn't brought her any solace. It was only being in here, knowing that Ryder was okay...

She felt the magnitude of what happened wash over her once more as her thoughts went back to Kitty, and she hoped that, although he had failed for Marley, Jake might be bringing the blonde cheerleader some bit of peace.

"Oh, Ryder, no, it's not okay. I just... Everything I did today was selfish, and Kitty's been so brave..."

"Everything?" Ryder said in a tone that indicated he clearly thought otherwise, and she un-nestled herself so that she could meet his eyes again. She still felt so small, and so scared, and like nothing would ever be right again, but Ryder again had that look in his eyes - the one that should have made her feel warm and fuzzy, but instead right now just shone like a small beacon of hope.

Marley still felt frightened and selfish, but Ryder clearly thought of her in a different way. And that... That was what kept her talking, even as her throat clenched as she continued towards the end of her story.

_**"I don't know how things got this way. I don't know when I turned from a carefree girl to a girl whose heart hurts all the time. From a girl who used to care about people, and who wanted people to care about her, into someone who just wants others to suffer with her."**_

"_Oh." _

_When Marley found her words, this was all she could manage. The syllable hung in the air between them as she angled herself in a way that let her look at Ryder better. _

_"Oh?" he replied in question. She thought she heard him gasp for air as he slouched further against the wall. His brown eyes flickered towards her to meet her blue ones, and she felt a stabbing in her stomach as she saw that they were duller and droopier than before. She sighed heavily, her eyes sliding once more to that poorly-wrapped wound in his shoulder._

_"It's just... Why did you do that for her? Why did you risk yourself to save someone so horrible?" _

_The words were out there before she even had time to filter them; she didn't pause to think about what she was saying or about how suddenly the one sounding horrible, when Kitty had been the one to call her and risk her own safety to tell her where she might find Ryder. She swallowed hard, expecting Ryder to tell her that it was a horrible thing to say._

_"You would have done the same thing," he said instead, and Marley's eyes widened. "You would have done the exact same thing."_

_Marley was stunned by Ryder's response. She was sitting next to him, showing him the worst parts of herself; she was paralyzed by fear…_

_As if to prove her point, a bit if wind floated in through the too-high-to-reach bathroom window, causing the tennis ball to roll slightly and causing Marley to clutch onto Ryder more tightly. There was hardly an inch of space between them, and Marley was sure that she heard a low groan of pain from Ryder._

"_Am I hurting you?" she whispered, turning to again inspect the blood covered sweater that she had wrapped around his arm. Ryder quickly cleared the wince from his face when Marley started to move away from him._

"_Don't leave me." His words were deliberate; desperate, even. Marley swallowed back her fear, realizing that she couldn't even begin to imagine Ryder's. Silence fell between them as Marley dwelled on the idea that she would have been too much of a coward to save Kitty before herself, but as Ryder's eyes started to slide shut, she knew she had to keep him talking again._

"_Why did you do it? Push Kitty out of the way? Weren't you scared?" Marley wondered aloud._

"_Of course I was scared. We were all scared…Even Celeste." To her shock, Ryder chuckled softly. "Marley, I don't know why you don't believe me. I know you're terrified, but you still came to find me. Why do you think you would have been any less brave if you had been the one in the hallway with Kitty instead of me?"_

"_Because you're… and she's…" Marley felt her own stupidity as she tried to articulate the words._

"_We're both your friends. Kitty just has a few more bad moments than most; that doesn't mean you care any less," he pointed out. His words were slow but sure, and Marley could tell that he was drifting closer and closer to unconsciousness._

"_You're too good. Too good for all of us," she informed him, resting her head on his shoulder even though really it should be the other way around. She figured that the only comfort in the world that she could find right now was from being closer to him._

"_S'not true," he murmured, and Marley reached over to squeeze his hand, willing him again to stay awake. To just stay with her._

"_Of course it's true. You're defending Kitty, even though she's been horrible to us. You're defending… You're defending Celeste, even though I don't understand and I'm scared." Marley's voice broke a little bit as she tried to swallow the nausea she felt whenever she thought of the cheerleader with the gun. "And you're defending me… I just freaked out at you for doing something good to protect someone else, but Ry… Ry, you told me not to leave you, but you're the one who can't leave me. I can't lose you. I can't let you go," she whispered, biting her lip until it started to go numb. Next to her, Ryder sagged further, his weight shifting so that she could feel the pressure of having to hold him up. _

"_Ryder… Ryder, I just… I don't know what's going on out there. I don't know if everybody else is okay, but all I do know is that you're not, and I can't do this without you. I can't… I can't…" She rambled on, hoping she could spark some kind of reaction in him even though she knew he was fading; she knew he was slipping out of consciousness on her._

"_You can," he murmured, his eyes finally closing. "You don't need me, Marls. You've never needed me." Each word grew more muffled than the last, and Marley jolted upwards, waking Ryder up a little bit more in the process._

"_Don't say that," she insisted, shaking him gently until he blinked his eyes open once more. "You know that's not true."_

"_Marley…" his voice faltered again, and she shook him one more desperate time._

"_We have to get you out of here. We have to make sure you're ... We have to… We have to…" She felt her emotions and her uncertainty creep into her voice, and she hated herself for panicking in front of Ryder. She hated even more that she wasn't sure he could tell that she was panicking, because she wasn't sure he knew what was going on anymore._

"_I've lost a lot of blood, Marley. I just – I'm just… If it was going to be anybody, I'm really glad that you're the one here." _

"_I'm glad I'm here, too," she said, leaning her forehead into his partially to help her keep his head from sagging and partially because she found solace in the closeness. _

"_I need to take a nap," he murmured, his lips almost brushing against her nose._

"_You can take a nap soon, Ryder. I just need you to stay here with me a little bit longer, okay? We just need to keep you awake until we can get someone to give you medical attention… They're going to come, they'll get us out of here…" Marley thought back to Jake's words earlier, the hollow words that she had resented so much because she knew that they weren't true, and she wondered if Ryder felt the same way about the words she was saying. She wondered if he knew she was lying to him, and that she was trying to calm herself down as much as she was trying to soothe him. She wondered…_

_His eyes were closed again, and this time when she shook him he didn't wake up._

"_Ryder," she pleaded, "You have to wake up. You have to stay awake." His head fell further downwards._

"_Ry. Ry, talk to me. Ryder, you have to talk to me," she begged, but her attempts proved futile. She had lost. She hadn't been able to keep him awake, and they were no closer to getting out of here than they had been before._

_Her phone buzzed on the ground next to her, and a frightened squeak escaped her lips. She covered her own mouth in horror, not sure if Celeste could be patrolling the hallway nearby. What if the girl wanted to come in and finish what she started?_

_Marley remembered Ryder's words from earlier, about how scared Celeste had seemed. She remembered his conviction when he had said that she wasn't evil, she was just lost. Her trust in Ryder's judgment helped to ease the pain in her chest._

Kitty Wilde. _She hurriedly swiped open the phone, shocked that the girl who she thought was being held hostage was on the other end of the line._

"_Marley. She's patrolling the hallways again. Is he okay?" Kitty's voice was as hushed and hurried as it had been the first time she had gotten in touch with Marley, and the brunette knew that time must be of the essence._

"_No. I need to get him out, Kitty. I don't know what to do. He's unconscious, and I'm afraid if we don't get him to a doctor he's not going to wake up."_

"_I'm coming," the blonde replied instantly, and Marley's reaction was equally quick._

"_No. What if she finds you? Or even if she doesn't, she'll realize you're gone when she comes back. It's too risky."_

"_So is letting Ryder stay in that locker room bleeding to death. You can't carry him alone, and everyone else is on the opposite side of the school." Marley nodded in defeat, even though there was no way for Kitty to see her. _

"_Okay. Okay, you're right. I'll keep trying to wake him up."_

"_I'll be there as soon as I can," Kitty responded, and she was sure that there were words left hanging that Kitty had wanted to say._

_It was only after she hung up that Marley realized there hadn't been a single insult throughout the conversation, no matter how terrified Kitty must be. Maybe that was message enough._

_Marley took a deep breath, and turned back to Ryder as the longest waiting game of her life began._

_**"Are you ready to suffer? Are you ready to feel the way that I feel everyday because of all of you? Because I'm ready. I'm ready to see how you like it when you're the one that has to feel like you're never going to be good enough for anyone or anything."**_


	8. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee. This story was loosely inspired by spoilers for 4x18. It's also somewhat based off of One Tree Hill's _With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept_ episode (3x16). Title is taken from the REM song.

**Author's Note**: Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, favorited, or subscribed to the last chapter. Special thanks to **UConnHusky90**, whose review got me off my butt (or at least off of my RP) and motivated me to write this chapter!

**Chapter 7**

Even sitting next to Ryder, who was relatively safe in his hospital bed, she felt her anxiety rising again as she remembered those moments waiting for someone – anyone – to arrive. She had hoped and prayed that it would be Kitty, not just for Ryder's safety but also for her blonde friend's.

She felt like she couldn't breathe again, and it was only when she blinked rapidly and regained focus on the sight of Ryder's face that she felt slightly soothed.

The bed-ridden boy seemed to notice, because he pulled her back down closer to him again with his good arm. "Hey, relax," he said, squeezing her hand. "Everything's okay now, remember?"

She most certainly didn't remember the events of today in any sort of light that resembled okay, but it wasn't time for him to know that yet. It wasn't… He had said he wanted to know everything. She had promised that she would tell him everything. She still had a ways to go on that.

And yet… Could she really tell him everything? It was almost time for her to make that decision. She selfishly put it off by squeezing his hand in return, enjoying the small comforts it brought her.

If she really told him everything – really and truly everything – where would they go from here? Was that fair to any of them, when their worlds had already been turned upside down? Was it fair to add any more pain to the grieving they were already going to go through?

She didn't think it was. But then, was it fair to lie to him either? Would he know that she was lying to him, deliberately leaving a part out of her story? He looked at her, earnest and waiting.

"I… I just don't know how you guys did it, Marley. I mean – I was passed out for the whole rest of the time. I have no idea how you managed to get me out here safely, but… Well, it seems like you really are Woman Fierce after all," he said, and Marley had to bite back a chuckle for the first time that day. Leave it to Ryder to try to bring superheroes with him into the real world; to be able to cling to that childhood notion that there were people out there who were unquestionably good and who would always be there to save you.

"Woman Fierce shouldn't get scared and do horrible things to her friends," Marley countered, eyes darting once more towards the lobby where Kitty sat waiting for her. Today had shown Marley all the best and bravest parts of both Kitty and Ryder, and in contrast, it had shown her all the cowardly and selfish bits of herself. She bit her lip, wondering if Ryder knew that she was talking about more than just her locker room comments.

"Marley. Please. You need to stop feeling bad about it. Everybody says things they don't mean, especially when they're under a lot of stress like that." Ryder looked at her through pleading eyes. There was a knowing tone in his voice, and Marley couldn't bear to meet his eyes. Did he remember? Did he know what had happened next? Or was it her secret, her burden to bear until she knew how to handle all of the mixed up emotions inside of her head?

She looked down into his deep brown eyes, and she knew that she couldn't. She couldn't possibly tell him; not now, not like this. Maybe not ever.

Her mother had always told her never to break someone's heart right after a tragedy, and staring at Ryder in that instant, she knew that there was wisdom in her mother's heart. And so, as Ryder pulled her back into him and cuddled into her contentedly, she relived those moments alone, those moments that she knew it wasn't fair to share.

_Marley did her best to keep herself from hyperventilating. Now that Kitty was off the phone, she was left alone with the cold hard truth – Ryder was unconscious. Ryder was covered in his own blood, and he didn't even have enough life left in him to keep fighting and stay awake. He had left her, and she didn't know when – _if_ – she would ever get him back._

_She didn't think there was any point in trying to shake him awake again, but now she was the one that needed to keep herself busy and occupied so that she wouldn't panic and give herself away in the time it took Kitty to get from the auditorium to the locker room._

_That thought only raised the bubble of panic that was gnawing at her throat, though, because how could she know Kitty would make it there? What if Kitty didn't have the same luck as Marley had had earlier? She looked down at her watch, seconds passing as slowly as hours, and she squeezed Ryder's limp hand as she blinked away the images of her own torturous journey through McKinley's halls._

_Marley felt herself blinking back tears as she realized that now it wasn't just Ryder who was in grave danger, but Kitty as well. One of her friends had already been shot, and if the other ran into the shooter in the halls…_

_Even though he was unconscious, Marley buried her face into Ryder's good shoulder, letting herself cry silently as time wore on and her nerves wore down. "Oh, Ry… Why did this have to happen? And…why to you?" She sniffled miserably, trying to keep herself from full on sobbing just in case Celeste could hear from the hallway._

"_Dunno, Marls," she heard his voice respond dully, and she jolted back upright, aware that she had twined herself around the non-injured half of his body while he had been unconscious._

"_Ryder!" she exclaimed in a whisper, her mouth hanging slightly agape. "Oh, thank God you woke back up, thank God, Kitty's coming to help us, and we'll have you out of here in no time…" Ryder murmured against her again, but didn't seem to register what she was saying to him._

"_I'm sleeping?" he asked her gently, and Marley shook her head. _

"_No, no, you're not sleeping. You're still here with me, Ryder. You're still here, and I'm not letting you go anywhere again," Marley said determinedly, propping him further up against the wall so that he was sitting straight instead of slouched. _

"_You know that stuff people always say? About how life kind of flashes before your eyes and stuff right when you might die?" Marley was caught off guard by Ryder's question, but she nodded weakly._

"_It's sorta true. Not all of your life, but like – the big stuff. The stuff that really matters."_

"_I guess I can see how that would be true. I just… when that gun went off, I just kept thinking about the people who were in my life, and who was important, and who…" Marley stuttered, rambling a bit as she remembered the initial shock from earlier and the direction her brain had gone._

"_All I could think about was you," Ryder said, wheezing a little bit at the effort of speaking._

"_All I could think about was you, too," Marley admitted in a whisper, speaking so softly she wasn't even sure if he could hear her. She didn't know what was happening out in the hallways, didn't know if she would even live past today – or especially if Ryder would even live past today – but she thought back to her time in the choir room, and with her mom safely at home, all she had been concerned with was Ryder. _

"_You don't have to try to make me feel better," Ryder murmured again. "You're always doing that. 'Snot your job." Marley felt something squeezing against her heart as he spoke to her; she hated that this was how she had made him feel._

"_It's not my job, it's how I feel," she whispered, and he blinked at her, as if seeing her for the first time since he come back into consciousness. He seemed to take a gulp of air before speaking slowly; deliberately._

"_Marley, I know I shouldn't say it, but… I just – if we get out of here and we're okay, just pretend nothing ever happened. If I die…"_

"_You're not going to die," she insisted, shushing him, blinking rapidly to fight any more tears that threatened to fall._

"_If I die, Marls, you need to know that – "_

"_I think I already know," she whispered, feeling the weight of her own heart pressing in on her chest. She felt like if she heard Ryder say the words out loud, she might actually crumble; she might not be able to help Ryder out of this room once Kitty got here. Her strength was wavering along with the life of the boy sitting beside her._

_Even though all of his effort was going into keeping his eyes open, he tried one last time to open his mouth and speak, but without thinking, Marley leaned forward and cupped his face with her right hand. She pressed her lips upon his, gently because she felt like any little motion might break him, then with more force as his lips responded. _

_In those few seconds, nothing else was inside of her head except the unbearable thought of losing this amazing person; the boy who made her feel like she could do anything, and the one who today had showed her she would do anything for. There was no Jake, there was no shooting, there was only Marley and Ryder, and a part of her wondered why it hadn't always been this way._

"_Marls, I lo…" he began dully, and she bit her lip, wondering what she had just done. Had she kissed him because she thought he was going to die? She definitely didn't want that to happen – but then… His eyes started to flutter closed again, and his words trailed off._

_She couldn't think about the consequences; her heart was pounding, and her blue eyes were shining with admiration for the brave friend who was bleeding beside her. He had told her there was something he wanted to say, but – well, maybe it was more important for her to say it to him._

"_I love you too, Ryder," she whispered, barely audible, and she squeezed his hand, not sure that she would be able to handle it if he passed out on her again. She wasn't sure if she meant it the way that he wanted her to – she also wasn't sure that she _didn't_ mean it that way – but she knew that if he slipped away from her, that if she never got to see him again… She knew that that thought was unbearable, and that he was unquestionably one of the people that meant the most to her in this world._

_She thought he heard her, because his lips parted into a slight smile as he gave up the fight to keep his eyes open once more. Marley blinked back a stray tear again as she took a deep breath and looked to the door of the locker room, praying that Kitty would arrive because she didn't know if Ryder would wake up again this time._


	9. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee. This story was loosely inspired by spoilers for 4x18. It's also somewhat based off of One Tree Hill's _With Tired Eyes, Tired Minds, Tired Souls, We Slept_episode (3x16). Title is taken from the REM song.

**Author's Note:** It has been a horrendously long time since I updated, and I am so, so sorry for that! Life has been crazy, and priorities have been all over the place, but I am so grateful for those of you who have stuck by me and by this story while I've been away! I hope I won't disappoint you!

**Chapter 8**

Marley must have been silent for some time, because Ryder was quirking an eyebrow at her, a questioning look on his face. "Uh… Marley? Are you okay?" he asked, and she blinked rapidly, bringing her focus back to the present. She tried to force a smile, but she knew that it didn't quite reach her eyes. Ryder still was staring at her, full of concern, but she squeezed his hand, hoping that he would leave it alone.

"I'm fine, Ryder. Just – it's been a long day," she sighed, seeing the internal battle that was going on inside of Ryder's head. She was grateful when he nodded, leaving the issue alone.

"You can definitely say that again," he added, lips pursing and then forming a frown. She spun her head around, noticing that a doctor had come into the room to check on Ryder.

"This will just take a few minutes, sweetie," the doctor said to Marley, and she felt a bit patronized. "Would you mind stepping outside?" She was about to protest, but Ryder gave her a pleading look, and she took the opportunity to breathe and to collect her thoughts.

Ryder had definitely noticed something off, and a part of her wondered, as she headed idly back towards the waiting room, if she should perhaps still go backwards and tell him about the moment they had shared. Well, the moment _she_ had shared with him. Maybe it was better if…

Her tired eyes fell onto Kitty, huddled alone in a chair and hugging her knees.

"Kitty?" Marley asked softly. She had always felt that if she spoke too loudly, someone inside of a hospital would break, but she wanted to catch the blonde girl's attention. Sure enough, he head came up from where it had been resting on her knees, and their gazes held as a question started to roll of the tip of the brunette's tongue.

"He left," Kitty cut her off abruptly before Marley could even let loose a single syllable. "He got tired of waiting for you to come out, I think," she added, and Marley barely noticed the small, disappointed sigh that left the other girl.

"Oh," was all she could muster in response, voice flat, hollow. Almost uncaring. Of course Jake hadn't stayed. What right did she have to expect him to stay? She hadn't even wanted his support. And yet… she felt a bubble of anger rise in her throat at the fact that he had left Kitty alone. Broken. She shoved it away, knowing that now, with Jake gone, it was her job to hold her friend together. It was the least she could do after everything that Kitty Wilde had done that day.

Marley had just barely slid into the seat next to Kitty, wrapping her arm tightly around the other girl when a nurse appeared, nodding to the two girls. "You can come back in." The woman's voice was kind and soothing, and something about it still felt so wrong to her.

She rose to her feet, eager to get back to Ryder but stopping in her tracks when she realized that Kitty was still glued to her spot, still firmly in the fetal position. "I'm not leaving you out here alone," Marley said stubbornly, sticking her hand out and tapping her foot impatiently as she waited for Kitty to accept the outstretched limb and follow along.

"I can't go in there, Marley," the other girl rasped out, and Marley felt her demeanor start to soften. "It's still my fault that he even got shot in the first place," she added, quietly shaking. The brunette knelt down in front of Kitty, taking her hands off of her knees and holding them in her own.

"Listen to me, okay? I've been in there with him ever since he woke up, Kitty, and not once has he blamed you. Not one single time. And he's not going to start now, okay? So how about you come in there with me right now, and you can listen to me tell Ryder about the bravest girl I've ever met – about the girl who saved both of us today," Marley insisted, giving Kitty's hand a reassuring squeeze.

The desire to comfort Kitty was different than her desire to comfort Ryder; Ryder didn't remember the fear, and all she wanted to do was shelter him from it as long as possible. Kitty had lived the fear, far more than any of them could possibly imagine – and for her, Marley felt the need to be strong. To take charge, so that the other girl wouldn't crumble in front of her.

The blonde blinked at her through clouded eyes before nodding slowly, letting Marley drop one hand while allowing the other to steer her into the hospital room.

"Ry, I brought you another…" Marley began, but her words were cut short as Kitty's choked sobs escaped from her body upon the sight of him. Ryder made a pained face, shocked by her reaction, but quickly opened his good arm.

"Get over here and give me the best side hug ever, blondie," he said, lighthearted as still only he could manage in a time like this, and to Marley's surprise Kitty obeyed, folding herself onto the edge of his bed delicately and continuing to cry onto his uninjured shoulder.

"Shhh, it's okay. I'm still here, it's okay," Ryder assured her as Marley rubbed Kitty's back gently, letting Ryder's words do the majority of the soothing. Kitty's tears continued to trail down her cheeks, but when it seemed like she could breathe again, Ryder smiled lightly over her towards Marley, and the brunette left the blonde as she was, pulling up a chair to the edge of the bed now so that she could see them both.

"Now, if I'm not mistaken, I believe Marley was about to tell me the story of how you saved both of our lives today," Ryder stated matter-of-factly. Before the cheerleader could even open her mouth to object, the brunette seated beside her nodded, inhaling deeply and beginning her story again – carefully starting after the kiss, and after her confession to Ryder.

"_**I've never been the type of person to want to hurt someone before. But each day, the more I have to deal with all of you, the more I have to hear your hurtful words and see your judging faces, the more this has crossed my mind. The more I've wanted to do something like this. So now? Today? Now it's the time."**_

_Marley cradled Ryder close to her, willing him to wake up over and over again, knowing that it was futile. The odds of him waking up again were slim. The odds of Kitty making it to them in time to help, slimmer. The odds of the two girls being able to carry him outside to safety? The slimmest._

_Any glimmer of hope she had felt when Kitty had contacted her last was dwindling from view as she sat on the verge of hyperventilation, waiting for someone who might never come._

_Every chirp from outdoors made her clutch Ryder's hand tighter. Every rustle of air made her flinch. The tennis ball in the boy's bathroom rolled a bit further down an incline at one point, and it took all her self-control not to scream._

_But the terrifying sounds, she found, were better than the silence. The eerie silence that reminded her her life would never be the same after today._

_The awful stillness in the air, the one that told her that whatever was happening around her was as far from right as anything had ever been in her lifetime._

_She looked down at her phone, praying for it to light up with Kitty's name on it again._

_She looked to the door, terrified of it opening but praying for it to at the same time._

_She glanced down at her phone, swiping it open and desperately hoping there was some sort of message from Kitty that she had missed. Instead all she saw were messages from Jake, saying more of the same. _You shouldn't have left. You should be here. Ryder doesn't matter, Marley. What matters is keeping you safe.

_If she hadn't needed the phone, she would have been tempted to throw it across the room. She looked down at the boy who was fading beside her, and wondered how on earth anyone could ever say he didn't matter. How could someone who was supposed to be his best friend say he didn't matter?_

_She knew that Jake was scared. Maybe Jake was even scared because of how much he loved her. But right now, she was disgusted. She was terrified, but she had still gone to save one of her friends. Would he really not have wanted to do the same thing?_

_Her anger kept her distracted; it kept her from feeling the agonizing fear that crept by with each tick of the second hand in the locker room. She kept her ears open for the sound of footsteps, for the sound of doors opening and closing, for the sound of a gunshot…_

_And yet the silence continued to permeate the air around her._

_Her phone lit up again, with Jake's name once more. She ignored it, instead training her eyes on Ryder. His brown hair was matted from – sweating? Was it hot in here? She hadn't even been paying attention. His eyelashes had stopped fluttering open and closed and were instead like a wall keeping her from looking into his eyes, from seeing him alive and well again. Her previously clean cardigan was drenched in scarlet, but at least it finally seemed to have done its job of slowing the flow of blood out of his body._

_A clicking sound._

_A turning of the door handle._

_Marley pressed her back as far against the wall as she could, no way of knowing whether life or death was about to walk through the door. She squeezed her eyes shut, terrified once more of the answer._

_It opened a crack, and she heard hurried footsteps scamper into the locker room._

"_Marley?" came a broken whisper. Her eyes popped open again._

"_Kitty?" her hushed plea came in reply. She heard the footsteps continue, pattering lightly in the direction of the showers, where she kept Ryder clutched close to her all the while._

"_Marley," Kitty gasped, eyes widening in horror as she came around the corner. She rushed forward, slid onto the floor, and Kitty Wilde's full body-weight was slamming into the brunette in a fierce hug._

"_Oh, thank God, thank God you're here," the blonde whispered, clutching onto Marley. She could feel Kitty's heart beating rapidly against her, and the memories of her own paralyzing journey through the hallways earlier came flooding back._

"_Thank God you're here," Marley corrected, hugging back with one arm, the other arm never leaving Ryder. "I was – " Marley began, not sure what it was that she wanted to say to her sometimes friend, sometimes enemy at the moment. No words could express how grateful she was to no longer be alone._

"_There's no time for that," Kitty insisted, inhaling deeply. "I'm terrified. You're terrified. But… but this?" she gestured towards Ryder, untangling one of her arm's from the desperate grip she had on Marley. "God, Marley, he's one of us. He's – we're a family, right?" Kitty asked, biting her lip. It was all Marley could do to nod, to agree. Were they really? Would she have said yes to this two hours ago?_

_Two hours ago didn't matter anymore. _

_As if Marley's nod was a cue, Kitty continued to speak. "This is way more terrifying than what we could run into out in the halls. So now? Now we need to come up with a plan," the cheerleader said, voice wavering even as her body language shifted into a determined pose. _

_Marley nodded again meekly, feeling herself start to panic again when Kitty impressed the cold hard facts upon her. They had avoided the shooter twice now, each of them on their own. Would all three of them be able to navigate the halls without finding her?_

"_Tell me what to do," Marley said, biting back the fear and meeting Kitty's gaze._

"_**I didn't plan this out for months, like some of you will assume. I went home yesterday and I found my father's gun by mistake. I didn't even know my father had a gun. It was right after some jock threw a slushie in my face for having a neckbrace on, and then someone filmed it so that they could post it online and laugh at me some more. You want to laugh? Fine. But finding this gun? I think I'm the one who gets to have the last laugh now."**_


End file.
